Newsflash! Tame Iti gets parole | The Jackal

14 Feb 2013

Newsflash! Tame Iti gets parole

Tame Iti, the mastermind behind the infamous "terrorist" training camps throughout te Urewera, has been granted parole to return back to his base camp and continue plotting the demise of the government.

No longer content with merely painting, writing and being outspoken about indigenous rights, Tame Iti has vowed to ride a horse bareback past local authorities and might even do the Haka... The sheer audacity of the man!

Today, Stuff reported:

Jailed activist Tame Iti says he is to be released from prison.

"It's a good day. They are sending me home. I can't wait to be back with my whanau," Iti tweeted this afternoon.

Iti is clearly talking in code here, and will instead be plotting to take over New Zealand with Tikanga Māori... Oh the humanity!

In January, Iti said he had a parole hearing scheduled for today. "As it is valentines day...I wonder if the parole board will show me some love."

Of course this wasn't about love, with the level headed Garth McVicar of the Sensible Sentencing Trust quick to respond to the news:

"I'm shocked! That evil genius Iti has obviously blackmailed his way to freedom" said McVicar. "When I signed up with Serco, I assured them that all Maori activists would be locked up forever. Now I'm in breach of contract and we'll lose millions."

The fallout to the parole boards surprise decision has only just begun.