An open letter to the Labour Party | The Jackal

25 Feb 2011

An open letter to the Labour Party

Audio Version.

We used to have an OK relationship didn’t we? Sure we had our problems, but you never used to blatantly lie to me. Did you? Now look at me, sensibilities all beaten up and blue! You would hardly recognise me. You did promise to stay in touch, but it seems I hardly ever hear from you on the radio or see you on the TV anymore. After you were disloyal, the silence has left me lonely and sad and I just don’t know what to think anymore.

You know, everybody needs a bosom for a pillow and Helen used to hold us so close to hers, it was almost unbearable! But now we have an old wet blanket to try and keep us warm, which isn’t working. Speaking of work, where is it? It’s not just the donkey’s fault there’s not enough carrots to follow. I’m wondering how big your stick is Labour and how often you would use it? Best not to think about such things I guess.
So there was painter-gate, so you stuffed up with the foreshore and seabed, so there was lots of GE going on, so New Zealand slipped further into poverty, so you built heaps more jails, so you allowed radioactive product to secretly be shipped, so you fracked the place up, so what! These things, pale in comparison to what’s happening now. The place looks like a shambles. I just don’t know if we can take much more Scotty! Now where has your captain gone? The ships sinking and we need all hands on deck.

Sure we had our problems, but we could just forgive and forget. Well maybe not the forget part, but I forgive you! Let bygones be bygones and all that. Let’s get back together huh, like Reds under the bed. At least just give me a call sometime, so we can talk about the good old days… Not the all or nothing days. I’d like to know what you’re up to and how you’d do things differently next time around. That’s if we do end up getting back together.

You don’t mind an open relationship do you? I’m seeing someone else at the moment. Our mutual friends don’t like to talk about it much, in case they get stuck in the middle. Eventually we all have to live together under the same roof, but at the moment, the divide between us seems to be enormous; I just don’t know how to get across. I’m willing to start swimming if you are? We can meet somewhere in the middle, hopefully on a green Island far away from the dangerous blue sea.

Yours sincerely,

The Jackal.