OK you Lazy Slob, on ya Bike | The Jackal

28 Feb 2011

OK you Lazy Slob, on ya Bike

Audio Version.

Biking delivers an increase in cardiovascular fitness, overall strength, better balance, flexibility, endurance and stamina. You could even start to look healthy and be the person you always wanted to be instead of the obese drain on the economy and environment that you currently are. Have you looked in the mirror lately?

Biking burns around 500 calories an hour, obesity epidemic solved. You get a natural high with a burst of endorphins... It’s better than junk food, but not better than sex. Do you suffer from depression, stress or an attention deficit disorder? Well you read this far so the last one can't be that bad. It’s been proven that riding a bike can help you. It’s also a good way to help with all those social ills in New Zealand. Ride a bike you gangster, or you’ll end up in jail or worse. Bike riding is good for our communities.

Regardless of whether you’re riding purely for pleasure or for a specific purpose, a bike ride is a proven stress release. You’ll arrive at your destination feeling relaxed, energized and happier about the world and yourself and you wont need to find a park for your gas-guzzler. Riding a bike is good for the economy because we don’t need to import so much expensive fuel, cars and parts. It’s often faster than driving around town anyway and you can stop and talk to your friends, neighbours or other commuters instead of being an isolated nobody in a tin can.

Did you know that houses located next to bike trails are worth more? Cities such as Zurich, Frankfurt, Amsterdam, Stockholm, Tokyo and Paris spend less on road infrastructure and have the highest public transport usage around. They ride bikes so don’t need as many motorways or crappy cars stinking up the place. They have roughly half the transportation deaths as cities that use lots of cars like in America, Australia and New Zealand. How much would that save us? You could also save money because it costs less to bike to work. If more people biked, we would emit less CO2... You know, the stuff that threatens our existence on this planet.

Bikes are cheap and you don’t need to fork over thousands of dollars each year for petrol. Maintenance is also a fraction of the cost. I know you might think that riding a bike is scary because you’re a pussy, but get a backbone and pedal yourself and the Earth to recovery.

Plus, being out on your bike is fun. Riding a bicycle under trees along a quiet path edged with native vegetation is awesome! You don't need a license; just what god gave you and a $20 helmet. You are law abiding aren't you? Well I've laid down the law; when the weather is OK and you don't have too far to go, use a bike. What the hell are you waiting for… the world to end or something, 100% instead of only 99% of the scientists to saying we have to cut greenhouse gas emissions right now or your mama to hold your hand?

Get up off your arse, out of your vehicle and on ya bike.