Asshole of the Year - 2012 | The Jackal

24 Dec 2012

Asshole of the Year - 2012

Welcome to The Jackal's prestigious Asshole of the Year Awards for 2012. The Jackal has been running a weekly asshole award with recipients automatically nominated for the coveted Asshole of the Year Award. It's what you've all been waiting for... Here are the nominees:

The previous National party lister, Greg White, won an Asshole Award for having the clear stench of corruption about him. Through his various conflicts of interest and underhanded dealings the asshole ensured a Taranaki iwi lost almost $20 million in dodgy investments Greg White had set up. The money has not been recovered and the conman has not been held to account.

The usually thoughtful Gareth Morgan won an Asshole Award for his ranting about "lefties, extremists, nutters," the "green extreme" and the "loony left" and saying that they are inhibiting their causes. Unfortunately the entrepreneur and philanthropist's inability to control himself has often undermined much of the good work he does concerning the environment, with many environmentalists now not giving him the time of day.

Mark Unsworth of government relations consultancy Saunders Unsworth, is perhaps the best example of a capitalist running dog that New Zealand has ever seen. His despicable attack on Massey University environmental scientist Dr Mike Joy for speaking out about environmental pollution was totally unacceptable! His attempt to use a position of power to try and close somebody down just because of what they're saying is why the prick won an Asshole Award... And rightly so.

Those who know Louis Crimp and what he believes in will fully understand why he's won an Asshole Award. The thoroughly racist Act party financial backer is as deluded as they come and typifies the old bigoted fool! People like Louis Crimp are why the Act party will not be around after the next election.

The ever repugnant Cameron Slater won an Asshole Award for yet another feckless rant about how terrible Winston Peters is and failing to check the facts. The deluded right wing propagandist was proven completely wrong about what Peter's said when the Teapot Tape transcript was leaked to the public.

Despite the transcript proving Slater to be full of shit with his accusations about the NZ First leader, he still continued to promote his poisonous brand of disinformation. Anybody who keeps track of Slater's blog knows that he's a consummate liar... Believing what he writes is akin to believing the holocaust never happened.

Judge Raoul Neave won an Asshole Award for giving Guy Hallwright a slap on the hand with a wet bus ticket after he was found guilty of causing grievous bodily harm with reckless disregard.

There were some real doozy judgements this year that were completely disproportionate to the crimes committed. Raoul Neave unequivocally displayed that there is one law for the rich and another for the rest of us. The problem of rich people being able to buy their way out of more serious sentences is something that's so entrenched within our judicial system as to be somewhat unfixable. The problem is now so large and systemic that it's ignored by judges and politicians alike.

Tim Groser won an Asshole Award for spending up large again while on an all expenses paid first class trip to Paris costing the taxpayer $33,494 in airfares. However he has undoubtedly exceeded himself with other acts of assholism concerning the Kyoto protocol, with Groser's lack of negotiation skills leaving the rest of the world thinking Kiwi's must be a bunch of inbred hicks to have voted such an idiot into power.

The Minister for Climate Change Issues is obviously a climate change denier, with his ability to come up with the worst possible excuses for not dong anything about climate change having no equal. Similarly Groser's excuses for implementing the TPPA with it's entirely detrimental investor-state dispute provisions were entirely feckless. Groser is more than just an asshole, he's also a traitor to New Zealand.

Bill English is the worst Minister of Finance New Zealand has ever had. Not only has he failed to meet every financial projection National has made, he's now going to go back on their promise and increase taxes to pay for Gerry Brownlee's roads of little significance. The Minister of Finance won't get us back in the black of course, because he couldn't organize a piss-up in a brewery. Through the disasterous neoliberal agenda Bill English has ensured that many generations of Kiwi's will be shackled through the governments unprecedented levels of debt that are now comparable to Greece's.

English won his Asshole Award for duping the public into believing asset sales would help reduce debt and also pay for new infrastructure spending, while actual figures from treasury show that the sales would come at a longterm financial loss. It's simply cheaper to pay the interest on the debt to service new capital expenditure than it is to lose the revenue streams from our SOE's.

The deluded fool John Roughan won an Asshole Award for arguing that the founding document of New Zealand, the Treaty of Waitangi, should simply be ignored, echoing the bad faith shown by National during asset sales negotiations. More recently Roughan tried to dismiss the massive privacy breach at ACC, arguing that the victims of sexual abuse and violent crimes weren't identified in the leaked information when they were. The old hack is clearly a lying fool! As long as people like Roughan get away with making up whatever bullshit they like to fit their own decrepit belief systems, we will continue to get manipulative articles in the NZ Herald that are written with all the skill of your average drunkard.

Other nominations for Asshole of the Year include:

Guy Hallwright
Jian Yang
Michael Christian & Mel Greig
Michael Laws
John Hansen
Paul Mackay
Phil Heatley
Kate Wilkinson
Bob Jones
John Tamihere
Ray Sharp
Tony Gibson
Richard Pearson
Vladimir Putin
Robert Bales
Mary Beth Sharp
Cathy Odgers


Hekia Parata has been an unmitigated disaster as Minister of Education. From failing to read and understand Ministerial briefings to signing off on the Novopay disaster to flip flops that would make the best gymnast jealous, Parata has displayed an unprecedented level of incompetence and a gross lack of care in looking after our children's education.

After a lackluster propaganda campaign on increasing class sizes, only the most ideologically blinded Nact supporter believed that reducing the amount of teachers per student would equate to better learning outcomes. That's why Parata won an Asshole of the Week Award, for developing policy that was so clearly detrimental. Just like closing and merging schools in Christchurch, National's changes to teacher student ratios was a badly researched, poorly thought out and a terribly executed policy that threatened to kick our world class education system in the guts.

As the Minister of Education, the buck stops with Hekia Parata... She should be made to resign.

Second runner-up:

John Banks is a disingenuous bumbling right wing bigot that has no place within our halls of power. After intentionally trying to hide the $15,000 donation from SkyCity and the $50,000 donations from Kim Dotcom, Banks was unbelievably allowed to keep his position because of a Prime Minister who's equally if not more inept than the slimy Act party leader.

John Banks seems to have a knack at getting away with his dodgy dealings... In 2007 Banks along with former National Party leader Don Brash escaped prosecution for misleading investors in their Huljich Wealth Management fraud. That lack of accountability has clearly emboldened the conman to be even more dishonest.

Politicians need to be held to account when they're caught selling themselves to the highest bidder and the days of anonymous donations should be over. Businesses must not be allowed to purchase New Zealand's decision making process because of a few corrupt politicians... And clearly John Banks deserved his Asshole of the Week Award for displaying such a low standard of ethical behaviour.

Any Prime Minister with an ounce of credibility wouldn't have confidence in John Banks, and the fact that John Key allows such a moron to reside in his government speaks volumes.

Which brings us to the winner of this years Asshole Award, John Key.

The Prime Minister really did outdo himself this year, giving us lots and lots of reasons to think he's a complete asshole... From comments about David Beckham's intelligence, gay red shirts, eating maggots, the GCSB cover up, ignoring child poverty and failing to ensure Ministerial accountability, just to mention a few of his more overtly disgraceful acts. However the main reason Key has won is because he's entirely remorseless when caught out acting like the contemptible fool he is.

The smiling assassins juvenile attitude obviously makes him unsuitable to be the Prime Minister of New Zealand and his childish comments to provoke a spectacle on Waitangi day were in my opinion particularly despicable! Key's verbal diarrhea in the house of representatives and his ability to provide a veritable shit storm of disinformation knows no bounds. The antithesis of good leadership is clearly the frontrunner by a country mile and therefore John Key is Asshole of the Year for 2012. Hurrah!